Temporary

Crazy day and I've only been awake an hour.  Something pretty devastating (too embarrassing to admit here heh) happened to us last night.  It was voluntary but nonetheless hit our family pride pretty hard.  Of course it has to do with money, or lack thereof in our case.  Makes me more determined to save us money and make the mall job(s) work.  About to play The Grocery Game for the first time as our food supply is depleted (the kids ate pretzels for breakfast & it is payday).  This & working the mall are two steps I can do since I am the one who put us in this horrible predicament.

The store was my idea & we invested the money from the sale of my divorce condo into the store.  We should have invested that money into us and I should have gone straight back to making real money in yesterday's said career.  Then the economy kicked our store's a** and the second baby made her (hellish) belly appearance.  I worked at home for a great job then, but the economy kicked their a** too and I was out of a job when 12 weeks postpartum arrived.  Then the baby depression....and worse the second time around.  So...between the divorce depression, the store, the babies x 2, PPD x 2, and the economy - I didn't make my half of the money & we lost our savings, our credit cards, we are desperately trying to save our house (thank you Obama), and now last night happened.  *sigh*

I hate money, have never been one to need it or want material items but back then I had it - now I need it and don't have it.  Hardly seems fair & now this huge burden of guilt weighs heavy on my shoulders.  I have bankrupted my poor husband and let our family down.  Sometimes I can hardly breath and can't imagine living the rest of my life like this. 

HMFPH - enough of that pissy attitude!  Remember your new year's resolution - be an optimist instead of a half glass empty kind of girl.  Back to the grocery game, make the Gymboree interview, and get your a** off to your whopping two hour shift at PBK.  Love when I set myself straight.

OK - that was depressing but really it's not.  I have a fantastic husband who still manages to spoil me with non-monetary items, we have four beautiful & happy children, our family still laughs together every day, and we have hope.  Not to mention the only direction we can go is up.  This is just temporary.  :)